


Dear Uncle Daniel,

by Kat28



Series: TS Bingo 2018 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Diary/Journal, Epistolary, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 12:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15194933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat28/pseuds/Kat28
Summary: I promised Pep I would try. I promised I would go to the therapist every week and get better and Dr. T suggested this and it might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done but here goes nothing I guess.OR Tony goes to therapy and falls in love with James Barnes.(Tony Stark Bingo S3- Writing Format: Diaries and Journals)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first entry for the Tony Stark Bingo 2018. Shout out to my awesome roommates Justine and Yana for being ace betas and answering my 3 am texts.

Dear Diary,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  June 6, 2016

            I promised Pep I would try. I promised I would go to the therapist every week and get better and Dr. T suggested this and it might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done but here goes nothing I guess. My name is Tony Stark. I’m Iron Man and most of the time I don’t feel like a hero at all. Yeah, I bluster and I show my ego but all I really care about is trying to help. I know ironic the Merchant of Death trying to help but I guess that’s all I can do to atone for my sins… I wish I could be better but all I can do is keep trying. 

 

Dear Diary,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                June 13, 2016

             I should give you a name, right? How about we keep the D theme. AHA! Daniel! Daniel was my second favorite Uncle after J. So it seems fitting that I spill my deepest secrets to him. So here goes, This week Dr. T has me “facing your clear feeling of abandonment”  so I have to tell the people I care for that I’m afraid they might leave me at any fucking time. Honestly, I think that’s a load of bullshit. I know I’m hard to put up with I don’t need Rhodey, Pep, and Happy reminding me of that. I don’t need the pity in their eyes when they promise to stay. I can’t do this. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               June 27 2016

  
         I couldn’t fucking do it. I’m a coward. Dr. T said it’s a process that I should write out what I want to say to them and work my way up to saying it out loud. So in the spirit of being a little bit less of a fucking coward here goes nothing, 

> I know I’m a handful. Dr. T said I could share my diagnosis with you and among the PTSD and the bullshit the number one thing she says I should work on is my grade A abandonment issues. She agrees they stem from childhood and said the best way to get over them is to talk to the people I'm most afraid of losing. So, here’s your proof I'm actually a basket case. You guys can leave now I won’t judge you for it. I wouldn’t stick around either.

     Yeah, fuck admitting that out loud. I’ll just stick to waiting for them to leave it’ll be easier. 

  
  


Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            July 20 2016

           Fine, maybe therapy works a little. It’s been weeks since I’ve had a drink now and I don’t want to jinx myself but last night I was able to sleep through the night. I guess there really is something to telling people about your fears and having them re-assure you “that’s a load of bull shit Stark” and yes, that’s a direct quote from Rhodey. It took me a month but I finally sat down the Big 3 and told them what Dr. T said I needed to and it made me feel better. Yes, there was sadness in their eyes but it was because they were sad that someone had hurt me not because they pity me. Who knows maybe soon I’ll be able to go a week without nightmares and visions of everyone leaving me. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     November 2, 2016

             I’m sorry I’ve been busy and haven’t written anything here but I’ve kept going to therapy and the next step that Dr. T advises is to write letters to the people who hurt me the most. I guess that would be Howard, Steve Rogers, and although I see it clearer now James Barnes. She suggested that I fully unburden myself and send them but for now, I’m going to just write them down here.

  
  


> Steven Rogers, 
> 
> I won’t call you captain because you’re not worthy of the title. I grew up idolizing you. When I was a kid my father made it seem like you hung the goddamn moon and I fucking believed him. Another one of Howard’s lies so it would seem but honestly I just think this century has changed you. Aunt Peggy always spoke highly of you and I know that she is one of the smartest and most amazing woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing so I know there must be some basis to the legend. You can pick your jaw off the floor by the way because contrary to what you assumed I did know Peggy and I was her favorite godson and after mamma, J, and Anna she was the closest thing I had to family and I knew her for longer than you did so the insinuation that she would never sign the Accords is bull shit because I know her name would have been one of the first on it. 
> 
> I just want to know Why? I get it Barnes was brainwashed. I now know that Barnes lied when he admitted that he remembered killing my mom.  All he wanted was to die so that he could even the score but YOU…. you claimed to be my friend and kept it all a secret from me. You lied to my face and used my money to track down the man who murdered my parents without telling me. You wanted me to accept the man you choked the life out of my mamma like it was nothing without warning me! 
> 
> Screw you Rogers. Captain America may be a hero but you by no means are one. 
> 
>  

     This next one is going to be a bit harder because the anger is deep in me Uncle Daniel. I know I need to write this down because if I don’t face my anger and my issues with Howard.  I’ll never be able to move forward and heal to be the person that I want to be. 

 

> Howard,
> 
> You don’t deserve to be called dad. You were a sperm donor and a bad one at that. All of my life I’ve had to live in a shadow. At first it was the shadow of Captain America. That’s wasn’t fair. You should have been there for me. You should have spent time with me but you were too busy in the arctic trying to find him. You were to busy building a new weapon of mass destruction to come to my graduation or to be there when mom miscarried for the third time. I could have forgiven the first, hell I could have forgiven all the times you put me down and hit me but to hurt mom who was devoted to you mom who put her whole life on hold to be your wife and keep your home. 
> 
> Then you died. For years I blamed you for it. He had a drink and the breaks failed. I spent hours and days fixing the breaks of that car I bought that fucking car company to make sure those breaks never failed on anyone else. When I found out the Winter Soldier killed you I thought at least you didn’t kill mom but you know what YOU killed her. You decided to get involved in recreating the super soldier serum and you put yourself in the position to get mom killed. 
> 
> I forgive you. For my peace of mind. I’ll never forget what you did to me and I will make sure to never repeat the mistakes that you made. 
> 
>  

      The final one I have to write is to Bucky Barnes. Now that I’ve had time to think and I understand that he’s not totally at fault for all that happened so this letter I will send. I spoke to King T’Challa and he promised me that he would make sure it got to Barnes directly. 

 

> James Barnes, 
> 
> I honestly don’t know how to start this letter. The last time we saw each other I blasted your arm off and you and Rogers left me for dead in a bunker so I’ll call us even on that note.
> 
> I realized that you lied to me that day. You don’t remember anything right? You just wanted to die. You wanted to stop being a burden on people who love you right? I understand that because I’ve wanted that too. I became Iron Man in part because of that. If I went down as Iron Man at least I went down a hero and my family could be proud… and they wouldn’t have to deal with me. I’m going to give you some advice when Pepper found out how I felt she said that she’d take a thousand days with me and my problems if it meant she’d never had to wake up and realize I wasn’t there and I’m sure your friends feel the same way. 
> 
> I also want to tell you that I forgive you. I understand that you were brainwashed when everything went down. I also heard from T’Challa that you are doing better and you’re all alone in Wakanda. I want to invite you to come back to New York. I created some technology that I think will be useful in removing your triggers. If you’re willing to come I promise to be open to you and to treat you with the utmost respect. Pepper, Rhodey, and Peter promise the same. I’ve also spent some time making a new arm for you because I kinda owe you an arm. It’s going to be an improvement on the last one I promise! I spoke to Shuri and she promised me that she would send me some vibranium in exchange for her being able to bring it to Stark Industries personally but I’m sure you don’t really care about that except for you’re getting a new arm. 
> 
> Feel free to ignore this letter but know the invitation to come back is always open and the United Nations is ready to announce your official pardon whenever you chose to come back. 
> 
>  
> 
> I hope to hear from you,   
>    
>  Tony Stark 
> 
>  

   That’s it for today. I’ll keep you updated on the responses. 

  
  


Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   November 16 2016

 

      It’s been 3 weeks since the last time I wrote in this but I swear I have an excuse! It’s been a hectic three weeks that have involved a ton of diplomacy and from what I heard a very pissed off Steve Rogers. So successful couple of weeks if you ask me. Let me explain. 

       I got a response to the letter about a week after I sent it. Barnes said that he still couldn’t remember much from before 2014 and he admitted that I was right about most of his thinking. He said he didn’t deserve my forgiveness but that if I was offering to help him remember and fix him he was willing to come and try to be an actual person again. I’ll be honest I was surprised to hear from him but I’m glad to have heard from him since I do actually want to help. Since I got a response we began the official move to getting him pardoned which became a bit complicated when we lost the support of the US but Pepper and Betsy Ross scrambled together their evidence that Secretary Ross was dirty and they got him put in prison which changed the vote back to pardon since he was the leader of the don’t pardon Barnes movement. 

       Barnes arrived yesterday and after touring the facility I introduced him to the New Avengers. I realize I haven’t really written about that here since I’ve been focusing on me but with the blessing of the UN, we’ve come together to form a new group of Avengers led by Rhodey. The members are Wasp, - which is Hope Pym whose dad had a falling out with Howard and Aunt Peggy-, Ant-man- who switched sides after the Civil War and got pardoned-,  Dr. Strange- he’s a neurosurgeon turned Sorcerer or whatever-, Spider-Man - Peter Parker who is also my intern and Pep calls him my kid-, and last but not least Pepper- who has become more involved in the superhero thing since she wants to keep an eye on us. It went surprisingly well and they all welcomed him with open arms after some thinly veiled threats if they hurt me but that’s what family does or so I’ve been reminded by Pep and Rhodey 20 times now. I’m going to get started on his treatment tomorrow so I’ll update on how he’s doing. 

       Since this journal is about me I want to say I’m doing well and I survived a whole day in Barnes presence so I think I’ll be okay. I honestly don’t fault him for what happened anymore and I hope that we can help him make peace with who he is now. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  November 23, 2016

          Barnes has been here a week and it’s been going well. I’m actually surprised that it's been this good. I’ve seen him hanging out with Hope and even Pepper seems super taken by him. Rhodey, on the other hand, is against him but I know he’ll come around once he gets to know him. The Spiderling wants us to have Friday movie nights and thus far even Strange has agreed to come so that’s been nice since its something the former Avengers never did together. Barnes joined us so we started going back through the classics that he missed because he was The Asset. 

          We officially started treatments today because I wanted him to have a break to see how he fit into the Avengers Compound. The way the treatment works means that we have to analyze his reactions to being in past memories and his reactions to the code words that trigger the Winter Soldier and undo the ties. This will hopefully allow him to not only have full control but also to get some of his old memories back. 

          Anyway, I should wrap this up because the Spiderling is calling me because he needs someone to look over the updates to his suit. 

  
  


Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           May 22, 2017

          I messed up. I took too much on at once and I fell off the wagon. I’ve been sober for almost a year and last night I almost broke that promise. If it wasn’t for Stephen I would have drunk a whole bottle of whiskey. Let me explain. The past six months have been some of the best of my adult life. Not only has therapy been working but all the people around me are thriving and a happy family makes me happy. Pete finished 10th grade with perfect grades and convinced May to let him stay at the compound for a month so she could take a well-deserved vacation and having him around has been great for all of us. Scott officially got shared custody of Cassie two months ago and has been secretly planning to propose to Hope soon! Pepper and Rhodey finally admitted that there was something between them and they’ve been blissfully floating around the compound since! Stephen has finally accepted that he’s part of this little family we have over here and has been coming around more often. Heck, even James has been doing a lot better. He’s fit himself into the family perfectly and he’s been getting a lot better but last night I made a mistake. 

         Dr. T told me that when the memory of my parents death was cued up I should have someone else like James's therapist be the person who reviewed this memory and made sure the process went smoothly but James asked me to be there and he was so earnest and kind I wasn’t sure how to say no. He just wanted me to have a chance to see it and come to terms and I thought I could do it. I was wrong. It made me sick to rewatch when his arm wrapped around mom’s throat. I lost it. I left the room and headed straight to the lounge where Stephen had just arrived and if it hadn’t been for him asking what was wrong I would have drunk myself to sleep last night. Stephen talked me off the ledge and convinced me to make popcorn and watch a movie with Peter and Hope instead and they made me feel at ease. It reminded me of how important it is to have a family and have a group of people I can count on unconditionally. 

          I had an emergency session with Dr. T today and we agreed that it may be time for me to pass on James’s treatment to Dr. Gardner. I went over to her office today and spoke to her and she’s agreed to take over with Fri and I monitoring to make sure everything works out. I can’t continue to grow my friendship with James and still be in charge of treatment which is not a sign of weakness but rather a mature look at my limitations. I’m going to talk to James now so wish me luck! 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 June 8 2017

          A couple of weeks removed from all the drama of the previous entry I can say that handing over the reins of James’s treatment was the best plan. We’ve been able to create a closer relationship since and he actually surprised me a couple of days ago after movie night. He approached me and he asked me if I would like to go to dinner with him. Honestly that one kinda floored me because according to all the stories I heard from Howard and Aunt Peggy he was a total ladies man in the ‘30s. Turns out that “You can’t judge a man by the history books Doll” and I guess that’s true so I said yes. 

         Honestly, back when I wrote him that letter if you had told me I would go on a date with him and actually have a great time not wanting it to end I would have told said you were batshit. Here we are seven months later and I honestly can’t imagine being without him. I holy shit Uncle Daniel. Is this the way you felt about Aunt Peggy? We’ve only been one date and I honestly don’t think I can imagine him not being around. Fuck. I need perspective. I’ve only known him for seven months. I’m supposed to be able to live without him. 

         I need to go talk to Pepper and Rhodey. I’m sure they have some wisdom to give now. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             June 8, 2017

          Don’t break into your dating friends bedroom in the middle of the night. I brought ice cream and gave them five minutes to get dressed so it’s all good but damn that was traumatizing. Anyway according to those of “superior wisdom”, Rhodey allegedly, I’ve somehow managed to fall in love with James Buchanan Barnes. Pepper agrees which I mean wow! One of them should have taken my side. What type of friends are they? Honestly, who am I kidding the best type of friends. 

          I guess I should admit it. I’m in love with James. What the hell am I going to do when he realizes that the pardon means that once he’s done with the treatment he can go back to the Rouge Avengers? Steve, Sam, Nat, Clint and Wanda burned the world down to protect him. How can I compete with that? How can I expect him to stay when he’s got so much waiting for him? 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     September 9, 2017

          It’s been a great three months but I don’t know when the other shoe is going to drop. Friday told me that James is almost done with the treatment. We’re having a surprise celebration dinner on Tuesday! Everyone planned the evening around being there and I know that it’s going to be great even though it might be the last time James is under our roof. 

          Dr. T said I need to tell him. I need to give him a chance to make the decision of staying or leaving. It’s going to hurt but if there is something I’ve learned over the past year and a half is that I need to let people in and I need to trust my family. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   September 12, 2017

         You should have seen James when he saw all of us under one roof to celebrate the end of his treatment. I think he expected something small but seeing Cassie and Pete there on school night really blew him away! Honestly, it was the perfect night! I didn’t want to ruin it by bringing up the elephant in the room but I knew I had to bring it up before it simmered. 

         We went out to the balcony after dinner and I basically word vomited all over him starting with I know you probably want to go back to your friends and ending but just so you know I’m in love with you. Yeah, not my shining moment. I’m still a bit shocked at the answer I got. He said he loved me back! Can you believe that? He loves me and he just was too nervous that I wouldn’t feel the same way! Fuck I feel like a 15 year old in love for the first time. 

          I know you’re probably wondering what about Steven and the rest of the Rogues? Well, James said that his family was here. That the part of him that was Bucky Barnes was always going to care for the little kid from Brooklyn but that Steve had changed and so had he. Bucky Barnes died in 1944 but I got to fall in love with James Barnes so I can’t be to sad about that. 

James woke up and is demanding I go back to bed to talk to you later. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              June 8 2018

         Somehow James and I made it a whole year! It’s now been a year and seven months since he came to New York and two years since I’ve been sober. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I could do this and I definitely have my family to thank for this because without them I’m sure I would have fallen off the waggon especially in the first couple of months. Last week Rhodey and Pepper got married in the most beautiful ceremony I’ve ever had the pleasure of attending and it got me thinking… I really want to marry James. Since I’ve written down my most important speeches and letters here for the past two years I figure this one should also be here too. So here goes nothing: 

 

> James, 
> 
> This has been the wildest year of my life and I know the kid and Hope have filled you in on all of my bachelor pre-iron man years. It’s been the best year of my life because of you. What started as a silly letter written to try and make amends. A letter that I didn’t think would get a response changed my life.  I could have never imagine that I would fall in love with you but I have completely and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you So, James Buchanan Barnes will you do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me? 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 June 9, 2018

         HE SAID YES! But he had to ask the kids for permission first and the nerd asked Fri, DUM-E, You, and Butterfingers. It took a whole ten seconds for everyone to know but they’re all happy! Except for Rhodey who says that I proposed to steal his marriage thunder but I know the idiot is secretly happy. I just need to ask him and Pepper to be my Best Man/Woman when they get back. In case your wondering James is asking Hope and Stephen to be his but the actual wedding still doesn’t even have a date. I just wish mom, Aunt Peggy, Anna, Jarvis and you could be here to see me. 

 

Uncle Daniel,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      December 10, 2018

I know it's been almost six months since I’ve written in this but we got some life changing news today. Thor showed up with the Hulk and all of Asgard. Turns out their planet has been destroyed and earth is facing a new enemy coming to destroy us. Thanos is coming for the infinity stones and he will stop at nothing to get them. Two and a half years ago this would have destroyed me but I know that we can face this. The New Avengers and the Asgardians can deal with this. It will take all we have and probably pardoning the Rouge Avengers but with my husband and family by my side, I know that we can do this.


	2. Extras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff that didn't fit in the story but happened.

There is a ton of more entries. I just couldn’t add them all because we would be here until tomorrow. In the beginning, he’s reluctant to write but during the months following James arrival he writes non stop. Sometimes more than one entry a week because he’s trying to get through all the therapy and keep a log/keep sane seeing all the James had to suffer.

Bucky is terrified the first time he meets Pepper and Hope. He knows formidable women he remembers, Peggy Carter, well and is hella intimidated by these two CEOs. The just look at him and say “If you hurt him we’ll destroy you”. After that, they become the best of friends.  
Especially, Hope and Bucky who get on like a house on fire. 

That being said they are all protective of Tony. He and Pepper bring together the New Avengers almost immediately after Civil War. I’m talking Tony’s in the hospital when he’s toggling between designing the leg braces for Rhodey and profiles to join together the New Avengers. He invites Wasp in first. She’s a childhood friend he hasn’t see in a while but he trusts her and she reached out to make sure he was doing okay after “the stupid shit my now ex-pulled”. The second member is Dr. Strange. When Pepper brings him up Tony is reluctant because MAGIC but he finally agrees once he meets the man. Strange is not interested in being in a team and never actually says yes but he keeps showing up to meeting and family days so you know he said yes. The third member is Scott. After, Steve breaks everyone out of RAFT and takes them to Wakanda he stops to read the Accords and realizes that he supports them and he owes Tony Stark an apology. So, Scott flies to New York with T’Challa and is delivered to the Avengers Compound where Tony and the New Avengers welcome him with open arms (Except for Wasp but she’ll come around). The final recruit is Peter. He’s only last because Tony realizes the kid needs time to train and mature before he can become a member of the Avengers. 

Rhodey never gets an official invite but he’s done standing back and letting his best friend get hurt so he’s in. 

Pete is surprisingly the most resistant of the New Avengers to Bucky’s presence. Yeah, the metal arm is cool and all but this dude HURT TONY. Tony who is kind and loving and basically his dad so fuck him. How does Bucky win him over? He helps Pete with AP Physics homework. (The man is a sniper Pete you think he can’t pick up some AP Physics?) 

On the topic of the metal arm, Tony designs it before even offering to help Bucky. When Tony meets Shuri (Right after the events of Black Panther so around the time of the first entry) she’s so impressed with the design, because she’s used to non-Wakanda technology being so far behind her capabilities, that she offers him the Vibranium to make it. 

The night of their first date Tony and James end up on the roof of the about to be sold Stark Tower and lounge around talking for hours. During which James convinces Tony not to sell. “I know there’s a ton of bad memories associated with this place Tones but you just told me it was born of a dream of clean energy and power this city. Remodel it and don’t open it to the Avengers but only to your closest family” Tony takes those words to heart and as the years pass on and the Avengers roster grows the number of people allowed in the living floors of Stark tower remains the same. Those people? James Barnes-Stark, Pepper Potts-Rhodes, James Rhodes, Hope Lang, Scott Lang, Peter Parker, MJ Parker, and Dr. Stephen Strange. Their children get full access as well. 

Tony finally shows James the letters he wrote Howard and Steve right after he proposes. That leads to James looking at the entire journal and crying at the fact that Tony ever felt that he wasn’t needed by his family and was a burden. 

When Pepper gets back from her Honeymoon she goes straight into planning the wedding with James who surprisingly is very into wedding planning. They get married on December 8, 2018, because Tony wants some good memories in December for a change and James couldn’t agree more. 

They don’t get to honeymoon til after Thanos because Thor arrives two days after the wedding and launches everything into full preparation mode. That being said Scott and Hope marry on December 15 because they realize they may not survive Thanos and they want to be married if death comes. 

The Rogues are officially pardoned in January of 2019 right before Thanos is said to come to earth. It is awkward for a long time because they won’t apologize to Tony or understand that there is a new order to the way things are done but the Winter Soldier puts the fear of God into them and they come around quickly. Tony never trusts them and Wanda even ends up in prison after using her powers to torment Tony some more but they coexist for the most part. 

Tony and James end up having 2 kids: Twins born a year after the defeat of Thanos: Daniel James Stark-Barnes (Named after Uncle Daniel Sousa and Uncle James Rhodes) and Rebecca Maria Stark-Barnes (Named after Rebecca Barnes and Mama Stark).

Tony then makes the technology public allowing same-sex couples to have children that is biologically their own.


End file.
